


Welcome to Night Vale Fan Episode: Spider Wolves

by Fawkes_Rinzler



Series: WTNV Fan Episodes [1]
Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: M/M, Spider Wolves, Unpolished, Welcome to Night Vale News Program Format
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-11
Updated: 2015-08-11
Packaged: 2018-04-14 02:57:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4547478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fawkes_Rinzler/pseuds/Fawkes_Rinzler
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It would seem as though Canis Arachnida has invaded our little desert home.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Welcome to Night Vale Fan Episode: Spider Wolves

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for my friend while she was on vacation. It's not the best, but it did give some friends of mine some laughs. If you happen to find these amusing in any way, feel free to mention it, and I'll write some more.

The Cat in the Bathroom is hungry. He’s eaten the sink and two toilets already. I shouldn’t have forgotten his breakfast. Welcome to Night Vale. 

 

Well, Listeners. We have quite an interesting week ahead of us. No, not because Spider Wolves have invaded Night Vale. However, that is a large part of it. Yes, listeners, Night vale is now crawling with Spider Wolves. It has been a rather fascinating experience, if I may say so myself. This morning, Carlos and I awoke to see a Spider Wolf peaking into our bedroom window. This is amusing because Carlos and I are on the fifth floor of my Apartment Building. Obviously, like their pure arachnid cousins, Spider Wolves are quite immune to the effects of gravity when it comes to scaling walls. There are only three places left in Night Vale that are not overrun by the Spider Wolves, and that is Night Vale Elementary, Old Woman Josie’s property, and the Radio Station. Apparently, Spider Wolves do not like the Glow Cloud, the Erikas, and Khoshekh.

And now, Traffic. You are on a road. You don’t know where you’re going. You don’t know where you’ve come from. There is nothing but a wasteland all around you. You wonder what will happen if you travel off the road and drive in another direction. But you do not. Because you are on a road, and a road is safe. The wasteland around you is not safe. You don’t know how you know this. You just know. Then.... You see a car in the distance. It looks like your car. The person driving the car looks like you. You drive towards the car, and you wonder why the other driver looks like you. You wake up. There is a mirror in front of you. A toy steering wheel is in your hand. Your mother is calling you for dinner. This has been Traffic.

And now, a message in German: Nur Menschen, die Deutsch sprechen kann dies zu verstehen. This has been a message in German.  
An update on the Spider Wolf situation. A team of scientists, including my boyfriend Carlos, who are trying to study the Spider Wolves, now that they are in such a close range of their Science stuff. I personally don’t understand it, but as long as no Timber Widows try to bite my Carlos, I say “Go Get ‘Em, Science!”

John Peters, you know the farmer, just called the studio to inform us of a a massive locust infestation on his farms. Apparently, his crop of invisible corn has been decimated by the encroaching insects. He intends to make contact to see if they are friendly. More on the situation as it develops. 

And now, a word from our sponsors. The sky is gray. The clouds are gray. The trees are gray. You are gray. This massage has been paid for by Sherwin-Williams.

Listeners, I have just been informed the Spider Wolves have started creating webs all around Night Vale. Massive Webs that stretch from building to building are covering our dear, quiet little desert town. And- oh dear... Listeners, it's seems as though the team of scientists researching the Spider Wolves have been tied up in these webs!! Listeners, do you know what it means when a spider wolf wraps something up in its web?! It means it intends to eat it! My Carlos! My poor Carlos! Oh listeners.... I know! I'll get Khoshekh! I'm sure he can fend the Spider Wolves off! I just have to ask him nicely....

Oh! That's right. Ahem. Now, dear Listeners.... The Weather.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=osh5zU…

Well, dear listeners, things have been resolved here in Night Vale, as they are often wont to do when I turn on the Weather. As it happens, I didn't need to move Khoshekh from his fixed point in time and space, Carlos is safe and sound back home, showering to remove the webs from his perfect hair and body, and the locusts are gone from Night Vale. It seems the spider wolves came to our little town because their learned that their favorite meal would be coming to rid us of our corn. So, listeners, I suppose we should thank the spider wolves for saving our food from further danger of being eaten. By locusts, that is, not us. We are still allowed to eat our food.

But really, listeners, what is food? What is danger? Why do we need saving from it? Is danger not synonymous to adventure? Do we not all deserve a little adventure in our lives? Can we say that we really live if we do not experience adventure? What is living? How can we know if we are living? What if we simply exist? And if we exist, how would we know? Do we really make any real impact on the world with our individual lives?

Unless your Steve Carlsberg. Then, you're responsible for everything that's wrong in this world!

And now, listeners, the sun has finally set, its shrieks a distant memory as the moon, with it's tender dirge, rises from the Horizon to watch over us this night. That's right listeners, the moon is always watching..... The moon is your friend. It's the sun you can never trust. So, off to your homes, under the safety of the moon. I know that I have a wonderful boyfriend and some dinner waiting for me at my home, and I suggest you get to your dinners and family members too, Listeners.

So, Goodnight, Night Vale.

Goodnight.


End file.
